


can't see forward 'cause it disappears

by silveryink



Category: His Dark Materials (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode s01e05: The Lost Boy, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, discussion of daemon intercision, the emergence of lee's dad feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:48:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26894719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silveryink/pseuds/silveryink
Summary: Lyra returns to the campsite after chasing a ghost. It doesn’t quite go the way Lee expected it to.
Relationships: Lee Scoresby & Hester, Lyra Belacqua & Lee Scoresby
Comments: 8
Kudos: 94





	can't see forward 'cause it disappears

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of my [His Dark Materials Fan Week](https://hdmsource.tumblr.com/post/630278115408723968/to-our-fellow-his-dark-materials-fans-book-and) creations  
> Day 4: favourite scene / moment: _“It’s about control, isn’t it? ’Cause if you can remove someone’s soul, you can do anything.”_
> 
> If you're interested in checking out my other creations, I've posted them on my tumblr [here](https://atexanaeronaut.tumblr.com/tagged/hdmsourcefanweek)! My asks are open for anyone who'd like to talk about HDM in general as well!
> 
> Title from 'Old Best Friend' by Joshua James and Timmy the Teeth (the song that Lee sings at the beginning of ep. 4).
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

Lee watched as Lyra rode away on Iorek, feeling slightly apprehensive about this whole situation.

It was probably just a bad feeling, but Lee never ignored those. He’d learned the hard way a few times that it was always better to trust his instincts – and trust them he did. Hester nudged his foot a bit to get his attention, and he looked down.

“You’re thinking really loudly,” she remarked, concerned. “I know you’re worried about the kid, but she’ll be fine with Iorek.”

“I’m not – I’m not just worried about the kid,” he admitted softly. “I’m with Coram on this one, I think there’s something really wrong here.”

He’d spoken with the man about how they could trust Iorek to take Lyra to the village and bring her back safely, and he’d confided in Lee that he didn’t like this at all. Kaisa had spoken up about the importance of looking into it – whatever _it_ was, anyway – and Coram trusted the dæmon, so that had been that. Still, Lee couldn’t shake the feeling that something was… _off_.

He went to Lord John Faa’s tent to talk to him about it, but the man asked him about the layout of this area and had completely distracted him into mapping out the entirety of the region that Lee had flown over, marking out unique hills and landmarks so that they could narrow down the places where the Station might be located.

A cluster of shouts broke them from their intense discussion, and Lee realised that it was already nightfall by the time they ran out of the tent.

“What’s going on?” he asked one of the gyptians.

“Lyra’s back.”

The two of them sprinted towards the towering form of Iorek, who Lee could now see in the light of the campfires, but the _off_ feeling from before kept him from moving forward. Lyra stumbled off Iorek’s back, pulling a blanket-covered lump behind her, and the clearing went silent. Ma Costa broke away, screaming a name – _Billy_.

Oh, _no._

The child was unresponsive as the distraught mother pulled him into her arms, and –

“Where’s Ratter? Where’s his dæmon?”

Lee swore under his breath, locking eyes with Hester. God, was _that_ what the General Oblation Board had set out to do? John Faa ran to her side, snapping Lee out of his horror, and Lee moved as well, making a beeline for Iorek.

“What _happened_ back there?” he asked lowly, but his friend only growled. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lyra trying to join the Costas and hastily reached out to grab her shoulder.

“Best if we leave them to it,” he said, pulling her back by her coat. “Trust me when I tell you that they love you, but this… they won’t want you there for it.” He doesn’t know how else to explain to her that their grief was to be a private moment, but Lyra seemed to understand.

“It was,” she started, and shook her head. “He was without his dæmon. Like – like a _ghost_.”

He remembered what she’d told him that morning, what the alethiometer had said about ghosts, and shivered. Lee had seen all sorts of creatures in the North – _panserbjørne,_ night-ghasts, cliff-ghasts, foxes and other regular woodland creatures that phased in and out of reality… but this, by far, was the worst thing Lee had seen in his life, worse than when he’d had to listen to Pierre McConville’s awful, sadistic speech about how he tormented people and their dæmons.

“It was like he wasn’t _there_ ,” she finished, voice cracking with emotion, and Lee stopped himself from pulling her into a full hug by resting a hand on her shoulder. “Like he couldn’t even hear me.”

“This must be what they do, to the ones they take,” Lee said gravely. Normally he wouldn’t confide in a twelve-year-old, but he suspected that Lyra could handle such a dark revelation. He wasn’t about to _lie_ to her, either.

“It’s _horrible_ ,” she gasped. “It’s worse than anything… why would they take someone’s _dæmon_?”

Hester curled in on herself, and Lee felt like doing the same – like a tortoise retreating into its shell, he didn’t want to even think of something so horrible happening to _anyone_ , let alone someone he knew. He couldn’t imagine being separated from Hester in such a cruel way, but he couldn’t get lost thinking about such a fate now. He swallowed his trepidation and faced Lyra squarely.

“It’s about control, isn’t it,” he said slowly. “’Cause if you can remove someone’s soul, you can do anything.”

Lyra looked up at him, alarmed by the thought. Lee was about to comfort her when Iorek let out a sound that was a mix of a growl and a rumble before moving away from them. Lyra’s expression turned somewhat quizzical, and Lee squeezed her shoulder before explaining.

“Yeah, our furry friend here doesn’t deal too well with emotion,” he said, frowning at Iorek’s retreating form. “Never has. He’ll be back by first light.”

Lyra nodded, still looking somewhat dazed. Lee waited till she faced him fully to continue speaking, making sure she knew how serious he was.

“You did a brave thing, kid, a good thing. I’m proud of you.” She stares up at him, and, dammit, he was going to remove that uncertain look with any amount of assurance it took to do so. “You trusted your instincts, and you found Billy.”

She nodded slowly, accepting his words but not really responding. Lee understood that that was all he’d get from her that evening, and gently led her over to his tent – his belongings still half-unpacked on account of spending most of the day with maps instead.

“Would it bother you to stay at my tent for a while?” he asked her, making sure that she wouldn’t be uncomfortable – he _was_ still basically a stranger to her, with all of a day’s worth of conversation between them.

“I don’t mind,” she responded, and the whisper was laced with enough exhaustion to convince Lee to let her sleep without interruption. He might have been cautious to leave the tent had he been alone in this corner, but thankfully, Iorek was close enough to notice any sign of trouble. He swiftly laid out her bedroll and a few furs so that the cold wouldn’t bother her and stepped out once he was certain she wouldn’t wander off.

If, instead of sleeping, she wanted a private conversation with her dæmon, he wouldn’t begrudge her that either.

“She’s hard to dislike,” Hester murmured, as they make their way to Farder Coram.

“Hmm?” Lee bent down and scooped her up, still rattled from all the talk about _severing dæmons_.

“You’re thinking about the kid.” It wasn’t a question. “I said, she’s hard to dislike.”

“We already knew that,” Lee responded. “She talked my ear off all day yesterday and I still couldn’t be mad for the distraction because she was so excited.”

“You ain’t ever mad,” Hester countered. “Only when they really deserve it.”

It took a moment, but when Lee got her meaning, he stopped in his tracks. “Hester, being _angry_ at the Oblation Board isn’t going to help any of us right now. The poor kid – _Billy_ – might die before sunrise, and who knows how many others are in line for something so cruel? Our _priority_ should be to stop them from doing it to the rest.”

“Lee, we’re heading to do just that,” she assured him.

“Then why do I get the feeling we’re leading Lyra into a trap?”

“For some reason, I don’t think this _is_ a trap. She’s safe with us, anyway. We’re going to protect her, and we’re going to help her finish what she set out to do. She came up North for a reason, Lee,” Hester reminded him, and a new resolve burned through him.

“Damn right we are.”


End file.
